I was debating whether or not to do this, because I liked having a place to post fic without readers potentially getting bogged down by old fandom biases, and it was nice to be able to have fic judged solely on its merits as fic, and not seen through a lens of whatever I'd written before or outright avoided because of my previous work or me in general. I had vague ideas of writing both here and there, but it turns out some folks at an anon community have outed me as writing under that name (having found out through one of my friends, or a friend of a friend who talked about it, so, bummer), and now here we are.
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cloviswest is me, I am
cloviswest. (Clovis West is the name of my dad's high school, and
auberryroad - also a journal I've used in the last several months, also anonymously said to be me a few times - is the street I grew up on, in case you were wondering.) I've posted three stories over there, and I participated in the
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popoffacork exchange that
jae_w put together recently. The stories are as follows, and I'm going to talk a bit about each one because I haven't had the chance to, really.
Dear Catastrophe Waiter (Brendon/Ryan, NC-17):
In which Brendon is a virgin, vegan donuts are tools of seduction, and Ryan is the prettiest waiter in all of San Francisco. After something like ten years in fandom total, and now three years in this one, I'm pretty sure this is the first AU fic I've ever posted. [EDIT: ahaha way to forget the
first fic I ever wrote in this fandom. Just kidding!] I have a hard time getting around the girlfriends, which is an unfortunate flaw of mine as a fanfic writer, and my recipient specified that she really loves them. Luckily she also mentioned liking AUs, so I dove in and decided to see what I could come up with.
My recipient lives in the San Francisco area, and I leapt upon that as a setting for a normal-boys AU (fact: I saw Milk not long before this as well and had that in mind, but hoo boy a holiday exchange is not the time and place for a political activists AU), and did the best I could with my limited SF knowledge, coincidentally gleaned while in town for the first shows of the 2008 HCT. Herbivore is in fact a delicious vegan restaurant with really tasty donuts; Ryan is in theory someone who would look REALLY cute in an apron. And thus the story begins.
Writing the porn was one of the most interesting things. Since it was an AU, it was a whole different challenge to make it hot and interesting and meaningful (i.e. something I would want to read myself). One of the things I like best about writing Panic is the length of time they've all known each other, and how that plays into stories - why two people are getting together
now is always one of the most fascinating questions a story can answer for me, as opposed to when they met in high school, or when they were recording, or when they were at the cabin, or on HCT, whatever. That history also gives the story an automatic buildup to the sex, and a nice tension that's harder to replicate when you're writing people who have just met.
Not having that automatic buildup made it more of a struggle for me to find an angle, especially since I didn't quite have it in me to write the whole story as an epic (although let me tell you, internets, it's going to be a sweet time when Ryan introduces Brendon to his pot dealer Marie and Marie's boyfriend Joe, and when Brendon's next door neighbor Keltie teaches him to dance before Brendon takes Ryan out to a fancy anniversary dinner, and when Pete meets Patrick and a few years down the line they ask their friend Ashlee to be a surrogate for them - oh in my mind this story is a sweet, sweet epic story of goodness and love), and since it was a story about beginnings and reinventions, I thought virgin Brendon would suit the story quite well. Also, it is hot.
Ryan tops in this story (!!!!111!!!~) because it made sense for the story and again, is hot. Brendon and Ryan having sex in any permutation: pretty hot, guys. I think Ryan topping in the Brendon/Ryan dynamic has been the dominant thing in the fandom for awhile now. I remember feeling very! strongly!! about this in the past (oh the emotional overinvestment I had in fandom back when I lived with my parents and hated my job and kind of hated my life - glad to be past that time, wow), but now, eh, it can be hot either way. I think Ryan bottoming still edges out Brendon bottoming in my personal scale of hotness, but hey man, it's porn, and people will write the dynamics that they find hot. Word to that.
In conclusion, I would like a vegan donut.
21 (Panic GSF, Brendon/Ryan, NC-17): Speaking of writing things I find hot, gangbangs are still something I find way hot. I like writing people who like sex, and I like then giving those characters a lot of sex. So here we have cockslut Brendon getting a birthday present from his bandmates. This was originally inspired by a conversation with
gigantic way back in the day where we talked about how Brendon's bandmates most definitely should have spanked him on his birthday. And I figured if you have Brendon Urie turned over your knee, then why not follow that up with fucking? Lots and lots of fucking? So then I wrote this fic. I got some really interesting criticism on it which made me think (it also really made me complain drunkenly, ahahaha oh self), and which I've kept in mind since.
Speaking of cocksluts, anyway, it was kinda cool to see that people still like them and want to read about them, because I still do too. \o/ No matter who it is. (Although I think the term cockslut might carry a bit too much baggage in this fandom at this point, especially in reference to Ryan and thus cobbled together from a bunch of 2006-era characterizations written by a few people. Too bad folks still get down on the idea, because I yearn for more gangbangs. ;_;) [EDIT: Hmm, gangbang is included
here under the heading of General Psychological Roleplay, so perhaps that's a loaded term as well? Damn you, semantics! How about cockstuffing? Very focused groupsex? Character-centric porn? Although I am down with the psychological aspects of it. Bring on the blindfolds!] [Wait, bring on the blindfolds again, I guess. Whoops.]
Looks Okay On You (Brendon/Ryan, NC-17): What's really funny about it just coming out now that I'm
cloviswest is that I posted this story there not long after putting this LJ on hiatus, and I had in fact excerpted this story here at least twice. Good god was I ever paranoid about being found out. Rereading it now feels sort of like the last attempt at writing a story like this (if that makes any sense? I mean a story more like my old work, as opposed to 21 or Dear Catastrophe Waiter), and I feel like I can see a pretty clear evolution between these three stories. It may just be me though, given that Dear Catastrophe Waiter still pinged people as being written in my style. Oh well, I gotta be me.
Some folks got a dubcon vibe off of it, which was a major bumout because Brendon wasn't meant to be taking advantage of Ryan in any way. That did make me more aware of the need to sell a reader on a pairing, which wasn't something I'd paid attention to before. It was an interesting learning experience, anyway. I want more concrit (or any, actually, as what I saw wasn't meant to be constructive or for me at all, presumably - unless del.icio.us bookmarks are the new venue for criticism), I like discussing things with people when they find something they don't like.
I also wrote a wee short Chris/Darren pornlet called
You've Really Got A Hold On Me, which is kind of depressing now. Oh Chris. ;_; I would still love above all else a real Chris/Darren epic tracking them from high school and Until Sundown to the last tour and Chris leaving the band. Man that would be awesome as anything.
The moral of the story is: porn. The second moral is, if you've written a lot of fic, try posting under a sock or writing for an anonymous exchange someday. It's kinda cool the reactions you get when people go in blind. Oh, and try new things, you might like them! But don't give up on the old things just because people don't like them, because chances are some people still do like them, they are just quieter about it. Finally, please give me a donut.
Tags: my fic
past 
